Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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