just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can I color on your dick again?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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