"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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