I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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