Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
