do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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