he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize