It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
