Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think your dad took our porno
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
