I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
