i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
