i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
