I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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