Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
