Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
