Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
