There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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