You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
