found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
In America we eat man semen.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize