Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
