I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
