She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
