Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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