I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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