Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
