literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
