genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you had me at cake vodka
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think people are normalizing furries
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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