we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
