Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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