Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
