so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
