everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
