I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize