Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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