I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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