I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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