I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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