I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
