Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
