If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need to sanitize my soul.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
