3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Come see our sink grown plant.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Randomize
