just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
