I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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