How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
