She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
