What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
