Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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