I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
