Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
