Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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