i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
