What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
