there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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