quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
