He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
