no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
