he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
