That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
