What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize