I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
