I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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