I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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