is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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