I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
