we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
