im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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