Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize