You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
